


The Things We Carry

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Reaper76 [36]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Death, Guilt, Heavy Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Memories, Past Relationship(s), Promises, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-01 02:50:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16276427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: There are two things that Soldier 76 always keeps with him...Gabriel's dog-tags and the ring that had been in his pocket that day in Zurich





	The Things We Carry

It hurt to move.

It hurt to breathe.

   A small part of him wished that he could just close his eyes there and then and let the inevitable happen. It wasn’t as though anyone was going to mourn his loss. Most people already thought that he was dead, and the rest either hoped that he was or would celebrate that he was going to be soon enough - the rare handful who knew that he had survived Zurich, would move on without him. Would make a future without him, and perhaps it would be better that way.  However, when he shifted, he felt the chain around his neck snag, and slowly he reached up to grasp it, fumbling his way along its length until he felt them, and his fingers trembled as he ran them over the writing engraved on the dog-tags. He had buried his own in front of the empty grave in Arlington, wanting no ties to Strike-Commander Morrison and wanting to make sure that no one could identify him if or when he died. But these ones…he couldn’t see them without his visor on, and je could barely make out the letters under his calloused finger-tips, but he didn’t need to, knowing by heart exactly what they said.

_Gabriel Reyes._

     A shiver worked its way through his body as he remembered the day he had taken the tags, pulling them away from Gabriel’s still form, his partner’s blood staining his skin as he held them tight. It had been a foolish gesture. These metal tags couldn’t even come close to representing who Gabriel had been and what he had meant to him, but it had been the only thing he could rescue that day, and now it was the only thing he had to remember Gabe. No. That wasn’t quite true, and his fingers trembled worse than before as he moved onto the other token that hung from his chain, an old ache stirring in his chest as he ran his finger over the smooth metal before dipping inside and feeling the words carved within.

_I love you._

    How many months had he spent looking for the perfect ring? Spending hours searching the internet whenever Gabe was away on a mission or busy down in his office, sneaking off to search jewellery shops in whatever town or city he had been sent to for work. In the end, he had gone home, back to Bloomington, supposedly to visit his family who had been moaning at him for ages that he wasn’t home nearly enough and that no, being Strike Commander was not a good enough excuse. However, in reality, he had gone to visit the jewellers in town, to speak to the same man who had once made his parents’ wedding bands. It was there that he’d had this ring made, a simple band of platinum, one that could endure the stress and strain of their work, and with words of his own choosing carved on the inside.

_I love you. I chose you._

“I love you…I chose you,” he murmured, his voice sounding foreign to his own ears cracked in the middle and he slowly curled his fingers around the ring. It had burned a hole in his pocket for weeks after it had been finished. He had been waiting for one more thing to come through, and even then, he had waited, hesitating, searching for the perfect time. A bitter laugh welled up at that, something he immediately regretted as it seemed to ignite every nerve ending in his body, and he twisted, curling in on himself with a pained groan. _It hurts. It hurt…_ Instinct had him fumbling for a biotic emitter, only to come up short as he remembered that he had finally run out, although he doubted that they would have been able to do much about his current situation, mouth twisting as he focused on the feel of cool metal in his fingers.

    He had nothing. No Biotic Emitters, little ammo, his clothes tattered and torn beyond repair and his Visor had taken to glitching at times - he really was falling apart, and perhaps that was okay. However, the ring and dog-tags weighed heavily against his fingers, a tie to a past that he couldn’t escape and a promise he still had to keep, and he knew that he couldn’t give up just yet - that there was one last thing for him to do.

_Gabe, I need to see you one more time…_

****

    He grunted as he found himself being slammed back against the wall, his vision swimming for a moment, but he managed to hold himself together enough to go through with his plan, stiff fingers slowly releasing their hold on his pulse rifle. The weapon was all but useless at this point, and he needed to appear unthreatening for this to work, but still, he felt vulnerable as the familiar weight disappeared, the clatter as it hit the ground barely registering. All he could see was the skeletal mask leaning in towards him, the deep dark holes that marked Gabe’s eyes as the other man stared at him. He wished that he could see his expression, although he had a feeling that he probably wouldn’t like it and he found his gaze sliding away.

“Why are you here Jack?” He wished that he could draw comfort from the fact that Gabriel was using his first name, but there was a low, mocking edge to his voice that made him tense instead. Gabriel’s claws tightening warningly against his throat for a moment, and he had to stop himself from lashing out, the instinct to protect himself still strong even though it felt as though his strength was trickling away second by second. The brief struggle seemed to have reopened his old wounds, and he shifted as he felt moisture soaking through his clothes - he was running out of time. “You’re dying.” It wasn’t a question, but it was enough to make him look up again, especially when Gabriel slowly released him, something which turned out to be a curse as his legs caved beneath him, leaving him little choice but to slide down the wall.

“I’m dying,” his voice was soft but steady. There had been a time long ago when those words would have terrified him and shaken him down to the core. That time was long gone. Even if they could reconcile their differences after all this time, even if someone could offer him a miraculous recovery, he wasn’t sure if he would take it. He was tired. Tired of bearing the burden of what his younger self had done. Tired of fighting and searching for answers that might not even exist anymore. Tired of fighting with Gabriel. Speaking of - he slowly lifted his head, the movement taking more effort than he cared to admit, and he was startled to realise that Gabriel was slowly removing his mask as he crouched down in front of him, feeling a pang of pain as he caught something softer, almost human in the other man’s expression. “I thought you would’ve been happy with that news...”

“You think that little of me?”

    Jack blinked for a moment, startled to realise that he could hear something close to hurt in Gabriel’s voice, but unable to stop himself from nodding. From the moment, they had realised who lay under each other’s mask they had been clashing, and there had been no give, no mercy in their fights and he knew Gabriel, he knew how he thought even after all this time, and he had been going for the kill every time they had met. A sharp, brittle noise that wasn’t quite a laugh drew his attention back to Gabriel, and he knew that his silence had probably revealed more than he’d meant. “I wanted you dead Cariño, but not like this.” Gabriel was reaching out, trailing his clawed hand over the material of his coat before pressing down on Jack’s sight, dragging a pained groan from his lips as the hand pressed down on one of the deeper wounds. “It was supposed to me, I was supposed to be the one to end this.”

“You’ve still got time.”

“Is that why you’re here?” Gabriel demanded, pulling his hand away from Jack’s side to stare at him with narrowed eyes, assessing him, searching for a lie and this time Jack was the one to laugh. Did he really think that he would come all this way just to be killed? Not that he hadn’t contemplated it when he had first realised that Gabe was alive, and what had been done to his partner. Realising that Gabriel was still waiting for an answer he slowly lifted his hand, noticing the shaking in his fingers as he reached into his coat and gently pulled the chain out, letting the dog-tags and ring fall against his coat.

“This is why I’m here.”

     Gabriel was still for a moment, no doubt expecting some kind of trick before he reached out again and carefully took hold of the chain, studying it intently, his expression darkening as he realised what was hanging from it.

“You always were a sentimental fool,” Gabriel taunted, playing with the tags for a moment and Jack had a feeling that he was fighting the urge to just rip them away. After all the slightest mention of his past self, even his name had been enough to send him into a towering rage in the past. The urge to protect the tags was strong, but he doubted he could even move for that and before he could try Gabriel’s attention had moved on, and he tensed as claws tapped gently at the ring hanging from the chain. “What is this?” He didn’t wait for an answer, lifting it up, crimson eyes widening as he spied the inscription inside and his voice came out strained when he shifted his attention back to Jack.  “Jack? What the hell is this!”

“M-meant for you.” That had been harder than he had anticipated, exhaustion weighing him down as weakness crept through him and he gritted his teeth as he pushed himself into a more upright position, the pain the movement caused jolting him awake better than anything else could. Sucking in a shuddering breath, he forced himself to move, gently tugging the chain out of Gabriel’s grip before struggling to lift it over his head, biting his tongue to stop himself from crying out as his vision blacked out for a moment. It hurt…it hurt…but he had to do this now. He had to wait a moment, his vision slowly coming back into focus before he could reach out and offer the chain to Gabriel who stared at it with wide eyes. “I never got to tell you…”

    _It was finally done. The UN had been reluctant to accept his resignation, and it had taken weeks of them delaying the paperwork and offering him everything within their power to make him stay, to get to this stage. He had thought that there would be some sadness, some feeling of loss as he stared down at his notice, but instead, there was relief and a sense of elation. He was going to be free. Free of the pressure, free of the media who were constantly waiting for him to make a mistake, free of the paperwork. Free of the role that had driven a wedge between himself and Gabe – free of the long hours, questionable requests and missions, differing viewpoints. Shaking his head, he took a deep breath before carefully picking up the paperwork and carefully folding it before tucking it away in his pocket. He knew Gabe, knew that he would never believe that he had done it, that this was really happening unless he could see the physical evidence right in front of his nose._

_Smiling faintly, the action warmer and more genuine than it had been for months as he glanced at the photo of the two of them that decorated his desk. The only personal touch that he had allowed himself in his huge, impersonal office and he reached out, tracing Gabriel’s grinning face with a fingertip. He had looked so happy back then, they both had, and it left a bitter taste in his mouth to realise that they had let something like work come between them._

_Sighing, his good mood threatening to dissipate he reached down, fumbling in his pocket for the ring that he had been carrying around for months now. It glinted under the bright lights of his office, and he turned it carefully, reading the inscription inside and gathering his confidence, taking a deep breath before reaching out for his phone. It didn’t take long for the voice of his secretary to respond, and he hesitated for a moment, staring at the ring before grasping it tightly, he had waited long enough._

_“Ask Commander Reyes to meet me in boardroom three.” There was no way he was going to do this here in his office, the scene of some of their worst arguments, and the boardroom was possibly one of the most opulent rooms in the entire base, Not romantic maybe, but it was the best he had without getting them both off the base._

“That was what you wanted to talk about that day?” Gabriel’s voice was choked, drawing Jack’s fading attention back to the present and he blinked, stunned by the twisted, pained expression on the other man’s face. “Jack?”  Jack couldn’t get his voice to work. Even after all this time, after everything that had happened and the fact that he could practically feel time trickling through his fingers, his silence fanning Gabriel’s agitation and he shot to his feet, voice coming out as a shout. “IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?!”

    He still couldn’t get his voice to work, but he managed to move his head in a tiny nod. Gabriel went completely still, a blank mask settling over his face, although it did nothing to hide the turbulent emotions in the crimson eyes as he stared at the chain that Jack was still holding out to him.

“You resigned?”

Another nod.

“For me?”

“For us,” Jack whispered, finally getting his voice to work again. “You were the one who said it - that we had to choose, w-work or us. I chose.” _I just didn’t choose soon enough,_ the words hung unspoken in the air between, painfully true, and not just about that. They had waited too long for far too many things, and in the end, time had run out.

“You were going to ask me to marry you?” Gabriel’s voice was softer than he had heard it in years, the blank mask shattering, his face contorting with pain as he crouched down in front of Jack once more and hesitantly reached for the chain. It was only when Gabriel took it that Jack realised his arm was falling, and now he couldn’t stop it, letting it fall limply into his lap. “Jack…”

_Jack had been pacing back and forth in the boardroom for nearly half an hour, nerves and a slight flicker of irritation making it impossible for him to settle. He knew that Gabe was deliberately taking his time, trying to push him, it was all their interactions seemed to amount to these days, but he was determined to change that. The ring in his pocket was a promise. A promise that things were going to change, that he was going to work to get back to how they were, that his position was no longer going to come between them. However, he had known from the moment that Gabriel had stomped into the room a few minutes later that it wasn’t going to be that easy, and yet still he had clung to the ring, using it as a charm as all that seemed to come out was angry words._

… _and then the world had gone to hell around them, and the ring had remained in his pocket, his words, his decision left unspoken._

“You carried it all this time?” Gabriel demanded. It was easier to focus on that, than the guilt stirring in the pit of his stomach. He had been angry that day, not at Jack, but at the UN - at the missions that kept falling on his desk, at the distance that had sprung up between him and Jack. He had been angry, and he had lashed out, angry words falling from his mouth, not giving Jack a chance to speak, and he could still remember the hurt in the blue eyes, the fact that Jack hadn’t raised his voice in response like he normally would.

“I promised myself,” Jack trailed off, his head falling against his chest for a moment as his strength waned and after a moment he gave up on trying to lift it again, channelling what little energy he had left into saying what needed to be said. “That once I got answers, once I avenged you. That I would take the ring and your tags to your grave. But, you’re not dead….and I’m running out of time.”

“Jack…”

“Let me say it this time,” Jack’s quiet plea was enough to silence him, and he waited, holding his breath as Jack weakly reached out, wiggling gloved fingers in invitation. Hesitantly, trying not to recall how the last time they had reached for one another like this had been back in Zurich, flames spreading through the building and the floor collapsing beneath them, and he shivered when their fingers tangled together. Now he couldn’t miss the tremors working their way through Jack’s body or the weakness of his grip, and it dawned on him that Jack had been brutally honest when he had said that he was dying, and he opened his mouth, intending to tell him that anything else could wait. That they would have all the time in the world to talk if he would just let Gabriel take him to help.

    The words died on the tip of his tongue as he realised that Jack was clumsily unfastening his mask and visor with his free hand, cursing under his breath as it fought against him, but finally dropping it to the floor with a relieved sigh. Gabriel sucked in a breath at the scarred features that had been hidden before and the cloudy eyes that were struggling uselessly to focus on him, it was a stark reminder that he hadn’t been the only one physically effected by that day and he ached to reach out and touch that familiar, yet unfamiliar face. But Jack was talking again, voice fading with each word, fingers frantically trying to tighten around Gabriel’s although the touch was still barely detectable. “Gabe…”

“Y-Yeah…” The nickname that had always fanned the flames of his temper in their previous encounters, now just left him with a dull ache in his chest, his voice wavering as he tightened his grip on Jack’s hand.

“I-I…” Jack paused, voice failing him for a minute and Gabriel shifted uneasily as he heard the raspy sound of Jack’s breathing - he was fading.  He wanted to stop him, but Jack’s expression was the same determined one that he had fallen in love with back during their SEP days, and he couldn’t get his voice to work as Jack continued in a shaky voice. “I handed in my resignation. Two months from now, and I’ll be free.” These were the words he had meant to day that day, the words that Gabriel had stopped him from saying and it was too much, and Gabriel was partially relieved that Jack couldn’t see the tears that he could feel against his cheeks. _I did this…_ He swallowed thickly, opening his mouth to make Jack stop, but Jack obviously sensed what he was going to do and shook his head.  “I c-chose you Gabe. I chose us. So…” Jack paused for a moment, struggling to suck in a desperate breath, twisting his lips up into a weak imitation of a smile.  “Will…Will you marry me?”

     It was foolish. Whatever answer he gave now wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t stop Zurich from happening, it wouldn’t change the fact that he had become a monster or that Jack was dying, or that whatever relationship they’d had was long gone. It wasn’t going to change a thing, and yet there was a warmth that he hadn’t felt in years, the anger that had fuelled him for years fading as guilt flooded him… it could’ve changed everything if only he’d listened when he’d had the chance. It was foolish, but it was also the only thing he had left to give.

“Yes.”

    It was barely audible even to his own advanced hearing, and he opened his mouth to repeat it louder, wanting to make sure that Jack heard it. Only to find himself freezing at the sight of a warm smile creeping across Jack’s face even as his eyes finally began to drift shut.

“I finally got to hear your answer…”

 


End file.
